Today marks my second full day without Facebook. Not quite there -- only 43 hours so far.
You remember how I said I didn't have time to miss Facebook yesterday?
WELL I HAVE TIME NOW.
I have a paper due at midnight tonight. I'm only somewhat familiar with the material, and I have no idea what topic I'm going to choose to write on. I can't just phone it in. For one thing, I adore this professor and I have this ridiculous desire to make him acknowledge that I'm clever (because clever is kind of like attractive and that would somehow validate my little-girl crush on him -__-"). Even if I didn't need to distinguish myself, I've taken two other classes with Mozina and he's well aware of my general writing level. If I write a shitty paper, he'll call me on it because he knows I can do better.
It's due in 6 hours. I haven't started writing yet. I haven't even finished rereading the article yet. I'm staring at the address bar of my internet browser with an almost feral hunger. Give. me. my. social. media.
Immediately.
I'm weird as far as procrastinators go. I don't procrastinate because I don't want to do the work. I'm actually interested in seeing where my brain decides to take this paper. (My essays tend to feel much more like a reading experience than a writing experience -- I rarely feel like I'm "in control" of a paper.) For me, procrastination is actually a productive element to my writing process. I have to procrastinate to the point that I'm absolutely sure that there's no way I could possibly finish on time. That makes me panic. Then I ride the panic/adrenaline-rush as a strange sort of inspiration and dive into the project with a fervor. For me, that last minute panic isn't a passive result of procrastination -- it's the whole point.
It's tactical procrastination.
And now my major procrastination sources are gone. I did most of my cleaning on Tuesday when I was studying for a Hebrew Bible exam. I could feasibly clean now, but it wouldn't make me feel productive. And I normally spam Facebook with several messages about the general state of my procrastination process and/or the various things I'd rather be doing. Then I eventually get around to actually writing the paper and I gloat about it, also on Facebook.
Now I'm worried that I'm going to miss the moment that triggers my last-minute panic and I'm NOT going to panic and then I'm ACTUALLY going to fail this paper.
Also, completely unrelated: I did Jillian Michaels' 30 Day Shred program for the first time today. More specifically, I did the first 15 minutes of Week One. For those keeping track at home, that's less than 1/3 of a single day's workout. I feel like my legs have been beaten with clubs. Heavy clubs. Clubs with nails on them.
The initial plan was to do the Couch to 5k running program on Mondays, Wednesdays and whatever day I have off, and then do the 30 Day Shred program on work days. In reality, if I do that, my body is apt to keel over dead from exhaustion.
So for now, I'm going to take it slow. When the weather is cool enough, I'll take Haven for a run with me on the Couch to 5k program. If the weather is either too hot or too rainy, I'll take a break for a day or do the 30 Day Shred inside. Probably the former. Let's be serious -- push-ups and crunches kick my ass. Squats? Whatthefuck is a squat? (PAINFUL, that's what.)
Still no writing. No fiction, no essay. This has to change by midnight or Professor Mozina is going to be angry with me.
Even worse! What if he's all understanding? "Just get it to me in a reasonable amount of time." aflkjasflkjsfdlksfd I couldn't handle it. I have to write this paper. It has to be amazing. It has to be finished by midnight. OR ELSE.
And on that note, I'm off to find a new method to procrastinate.
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